There's no doubt about it, I have just had the most craptastic week on record. I ate too much, I didn't track enough, and I feel awful, just terrible. I did get in all my runs, but I didn't do any yoga. I hate saying this because it was my first week of training, but it's true. I went completely off the diet grid.
Now, I will say that my eating last week as compared to how I used to eat was fairly tame, but that's really of no comfort here. I feel terrible right now, did I mention that?
I have had an unusual craving for salty things lately. Chips, popcorn, roasted nuts. Honestly I don't know what has gotten into me. And it's kind of scaring me because everyday I get up and feel like it's a new start and I'll do better, and then by evening I've done something really stupid like eat an entire 8-serving bag of pita chips. Then I go to bed full of self loathing and hatred of my behavior. I don't like it, not one little bit.
I have been asking myself what the problem is, what's the disconnect, why am I falling into these old patterns? Unfortunately I haven't really come up with anything.
It is disheartening to know also that even though I'm still running, eating extra calories makes me gain weight. I hope a lot of it is water. If I can just get things under control, I know some of the weight will melt away. This morning the scale read 159.8. Who knows what it will be tomorrow.
I am desperate enough to be considering joining Weight Watchers and attending meetings. I am thinking a little change and extra accountability might be a good thing. Or it might just be a waste of time and money. I have been doing this on my own for months. I want to succeed on my own. I just need to get it together.
My husband still has not found employment and this week is our last week of unemployment payments. There is some state money possibly, but nothing is for sure and the timeframe is not guaranteed. In other words, we are now officially a one income family and we have some difficult choices to make. This is stressing me out. I am perhaps eating my way through the stress.