Monday, August 16, 2010

Worries weigh more than 65 lbs, apparently.

As I get closer to my goal, it feels like it should be getting easier, yet it isn't.  In fact, some things are harder.  It's harder to say no to foods that I should avoid, it's harder to get my exercise in, it's harder to keep going.  Well, some days it feels like the easiest thing in the world, other days it feels like it's the hardest.  Today is one of those days.

I'm trying to figure out where I want to go with my blog.  Do I want it to be All About Me, or All About Me Losing Weight and Gaining Speed, or does it really matter?  Do I want it to be public or private?  Do I want to tell all, or tell little, sugarcoat it or keep it raw?

Today is a hard day for me because first I got up late and didn't have time to run; then since I am only working three days this week, with 1 being taken up by a seminar, I have a lot of work to get done which is stressing me out a little bit.  Vacation starts this week which should be a relief, but it is actually making me feel a little overwhelmed with the work pressures, the upcoming challenge of sticking to plan while away from home, and just a change in overall routine.  Plus, there are just some other "things" that I'm trying to sort out which are weighing on me, too. 

My go to distraction in the past has always been food, but I do not have that outlet right now so I am trying to deal with things head on instead of with my head in a pint of Ben & Jerry's.  I notice that since I feel really good physically, emotional things play an even bigger role in my life lately.  It's like my mental capacities aren't as occupied by so much self loathing and I'm more able to focus on other areas of stress.  What a great trade off!  Not!  And since I can't eat my way out of the sadness, I'm forced to deal with it directly.  And I may not be dealing very well considering how I feel right now.

I know I am a strong person, and I know I can survive anything.  It's just how I can deal with the here and now that seems unclear.  And just out of curiosity, does a crazy person question whether they are crazy?  Like if I'm still questioning, am I not there yet?

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