Monday, August 16, 2010

Worries weigh more than 65 lbs, apparently.

As I get closer to my goal, it feels like it should be getting easier, yet it isn't.  In fact, some things are harder.  It's harder to say no to foods that I should avoid, it's harder to get my exercise in, it's harder to keep going.  Well, some days it feels like the easiest thing in the world, other days it feels like it's the hardest.  Today is one of those days.

I'm trying to figure out where I want to go with my blog.  Do I want it to be All About Me, or All About Me Losing Weight and Gaining Speed, or does it really matter?  Do I want it to be public or private?  Do I want to tell all, or tell little, sugarcoat it or keep it raw?

Today is a hard day for me because first I got up late and didn't have time to run; then since I am only working three days this week, with 1 being taken up by a seminar, I have a lot of work to get done which is stressing me out a little bit.  Vacation starts this week which should be a relief, but it is actually making me feel a little overwhelmed with the work pressures, the upcoming challenge of sticking to plan while away from home, and just a change in overall routine.  Plus, there are just some other "things" that I'm trying to sort out which are weighing on me, too. 

My go to distraction in the past has always been food, but I do not have that outlet right now so I am trying to deal with things head on instead of with my head in a pint of Ben & Jerry's.  I notice that since I feel really good physically, emotional things play an even bigger role in my life lately.  It's like my mental capacities aren't as occupied by so much self loathing and I'm more able to focus on other areas of stress.  What a great trade off!  Not!  And since I can't eat my way out of the sadness, I'm forced to deal with it directly.  And I may not be dealing very well considering how I feel right now.

I know I am a strong person, and I know I can survive anything.  It's just how I can deal with the here and now that seems unclear.  And just out of curiosity, does a crazy person question whether they are crazy?  Like if I'm still questioning, am I not there yet?

Friday, August 13, 2010

I had a boring run today

55 minutes (5 miles) on the treadmill feels waaaaaay longer than 55 minutes outside! I mean, staring at the same wall for that long is just plain boring! But I survived to run another day. Yay me!

You might be asking why I ran on the treadmill and there are two reasons.  1) because I got up at 9:00, didn't actually put my running clothes on until 9:45, and by then it was too hot to go outside, and 2) to prove that I could do it.  You could say it's also a glimpse into my winter running life if I keep up the long runs on Fridays. 

The truth is, though, that no matter where I run or workout, an hour is going to be about my limit.  Spending more time than that is boring for me.  I've been using the recumbent bike on Tuesdays for an hour and even though I have my Kindle to read, it's still pretty boring.  Boring = burnout.  I'm conscious of this fact because I don't want to lose momentum out of boredom.

For now, though, I am still "training" to run 6 miles for my 10K event in October.  (It looks like I won't be able to make the one in September.)  Right now, October feels a long ways away, but I know it will be here before I know it. So until then, I'll have to run inside or outside, wherever I can in order to build up to running 66-70 minutes. After today's boring run inside, I'm really hoping we have a warm fall so outside is still possible.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Make that 65!

I weighed this morning and lost another .8 which makes my total weight loss 64.8, or 65 if you round.  The counter on this site rounds which I like! 

I got out of bed to run this morning.  I'm not sure if it was my 5 hours of sleep or lack of good fuel before running, but it was not an easy run.  Sometimes it's just that way, I guess.  Even marathon runners can have bad runs, or so I hear.

That happened to me on Friday.  I set off for my long run, 60 minutes.  I had a GREAT 55 minute run the previous Friday so I was looking forward to more awesomeness.  Well, it felt pretty okay the first 30 minutes or so, but once I got to my turn around, I realized I'd been running on a downhill for a good while which meant running back uphill.  My legs and lungs were both screaming by the time I got to the top and I could not catch my breath.  I decided to take a walk break and have some water.  But that turned into more and more water.  I tried to run again a couple of times, but was only able to for about a minute or so at a time.  It was another one of those runs where I was asking myself what the hell I'm doing out there?  But luckily I had planned an out and back course so even though I couldn't run anymore, I still had the mileage to cover in order to get home.  So I just walked.  And told myself that it's okay, an off day is okay.  So I didn't beat myself up about it, I just moved forward.  Later that day I took a nap so I guess was just having a lazy day all around.

Anyway, it's times like that where I remind myself where I've been and how far I've come.  I may not have run the entire 60 minutes, but I was out there in the first place.  I set my alarm to get up and run ON MY DAY OFF.  There's a saying that goes something like, "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey."  I am moving forward and I will get to my goal, but along the way, I will celebrate the milestones and even try and enjoy the challenges.  For that is what life is about.

In other news, I am finding it harder and harder to want to eat veggies.  I love fruit, but veggies are just not tasting good right now and preparing them is just annoying.  Who wants to take the time?  But I know veggies are important so I still find ways to include them, even if it's spending a little bit more money on precut, prewashed items.  My latest fad is baby spinach.  I put it in a bowl, add some thin sliced Roma tomatoes, reduced fat Feta cheese, ground black pepper, and balsamic vinegar (sometimes olive oil if I still need the fats for the day) and presto, spinach salad!  It's easy and yummy!  Otherwise it's carrot sticks and cucumber and those are just plain boring.

So that is all.  I must work now.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I'm Still HERE!!!

I did not start this blog as just a way for me to share my weight loss with people, but it seems like that is what it's turning into.  Not to say that many are reading, but I'm putting it out here nonetheless.  And here it is:

I have lost 64 pounds!

I can run 5 miles!

I feel incredible!  I have adjusted my goal weight again on WW.  My offical goal weight is 136.8 which is 36 pounds from my current weight.  (64+36=100)  That's all I want to say about that right now because I have mixed feelings.

I am still running and I am getting faster.  I ran my 8K race on 7/24 in 55 minutes and 54 seconds (55:54) which is a pace of 11:11/mile.  I was and am ecstatic about that!  My goal was to finish in an hour and I went into it a tad nervous because I had never run that far at once before.  Luckily it was a relatively flat course and I felt great that day!  Other than walking about 10 steps while I drank water 4 times, I did run the whole way!

And so began my plan for one long run each week.  My 10 week training has kind of gone by the wayside, unfortunately.  Not because I have given up or quit, but because right now I am not cut out for any other exercise besides running, walking, or biking.  I'd like to do strength training and abdominal exercises, but right now, I just don't have it in me.  And I've decided that that's okay.

I have added a cross training day to my workout and am now running 4 days a week incorporating both a speed day and a long run day into the week.  My current workout schedule looks like this:

Monday: run at least 3 miles
Tuesday: 60 minutes on the bike at YMCA
Wednesday: run at least 35 minutes with speed intervals
Thursday: rest
Friday: long run, 5 miles right now
Saturday or Sunday: run at least 3 miles

This is doable in my life, currently.  I do need to find a way to get the Wednesday run in before work because it's becoming harder and harder to get the run in after work.  For the past three weeks I have been able to run before work on Mondays, however, so I know I can do it on Wednesdays too.  I'd also like to hit the Y before work on Tuesdays, but since my husband and son can go up there and swim, it's kind of like an evening family outing anyway.

I am finding that I LOVE blogging about what I'm doing, my life.  What I don't love is my home computer because it sucks!  That's why this blog has seen so little activity lately.  I appreciate anyone who is still reading and I really hope to get back to checking in more regularly.  Right now all my blogging is being done in a notebook so I can avoid this terrible computer which needs to be pitched off a cliff.  But I'm stuck with it for now so I will try and keep posting as I can.  Or maybe I'll become a lunch time blogger at work.

Just know that lack of posting does not mean I have fallen off the bandwagon and crawled back to the couch.  Not even close.  I have reentered the world of the living, and I am loving it!!