Wednesday, May 26, 2010


I am at the point in my weight loss where it is obvious that I am thinner.  And now people are complimenting how I look which feels great.  But for some reason I can't seem to just smile and say thank you.  Here are some examples:

Them: You're looking really thin!
Me: Thanks, but I have a long way to go.

Them: I can really tell you've lost weight, you look great!
Me: Thanks, I'm trying.  I got off track for awhile, but now I'm back on the wagon.

Them: You're running, good for you!
Me: Thanks, I'm not sure it's running, more like shuffling.

Why can't I just smile and say thank you?  Why must I impugn my efforts by saying something negative about myself?

For some reason, simply accepting compliments feels like bragging.  And bragging feels wrong.  But why?  I know I've worked hard, I know I look better, but it doesn't feel like enough.  All those times I lost weight and gained it back creep up in my mind and my mouth starts spewing.

I'm kind of like this with all compliments whether it be about weight loss, or cooking, or scrapbooking, or reading, or whatever. 

Them: wow, you put together really nice scrapbook pages.
Me: Well, I just copy from idea books.

Them: this lasagna is the best I've ever had.
Me: Thanks, it's so basic.

Them: you're a really fast reader!
Me: well, that's because I'm a lazy ass.

When will my efforts and achievements be good enough? 

I noticed my son has developed this terrible habit too.  He gave me a picture he made in school for Mother's Day and right after I opened it and said, "oh wow" he says "it's not very good".  That made me so sad.  I want him to be proud of himself.

Lead by example they say.  So is this one of those things I can "fake it 'til I make it"?  Can I just start saying thank you and then zip my mouth until eventually I learn to take compliments without putting myself down in the process?  I really hope so because that's what I'm going to try very hard to do.  Starting now.

Let the complimenting begin.

Monday, May 24, 2010

A Quick Quote

From the movie Robin Hood, although variations exist all over the place:

Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions.

I feel this can apply to many things in life, but I am applying it to my fitness efforts, both weight loss and running.  I am becoming a lion.

Great Weekend, Great Weigh In, Great Monday

Hellooooooo out there!

Today I entered a new decade, the 180s.  189.6 on the scale this morning!  I am going to try and not whine anymore about losing weight.  It is what it is, it comes off as it pleases.  Soemtimes I weigh more, some days less.  Such is the nature of the beast!  I feel incredible today.

That being said, I'm going to have to keep to my exercise this week to ward off the popcorn explosion this week.  I actually went over my points this week for the first time!  All my weekly points, gone.  All my activity points, gone.  And still in the hole over 20.  Oops.  It was the popcorn, I swear.  I took my son to see Oceans on Tuesday night and we ordered a tub of popcorn--should have stuck to the small!  I ate a lot of it, not even sure how much so I guesstimated the number of cups consumed.  Then, my husband and I went to a movie on Saturday afternoon and we again got the tub, and this time I ate even more.  I have a popcorn addiction.  I love movie popcorn, plain popcorn, popcorn loaded with butter, carmel corn, kettle corn, you name it.  Luckily I prefer theater popcorn without the added butter (or whatever that yellow stuff is), but I should have eaten a lot less.  Oh well, I'm human and it's popcorn!

I also got up this morning and went running OUTSIDE.  I'm so proud of myself.  I still didn't get to work until almost 9:00, but I got out there and ran.  It was quite chilly, but oh so sunny which was awesome!  I have a cough now which I hope goes away soon, but I can't complain about my results.  Again, I walked when I needed to, but I think I shaved some time off Friday's effort.  Unfortunately, I took a little short cut home so I don't have the exact same distance, but that is okay. 

We had a great weekend!  Friday night our son had a sleepover which was fun.  Those boys were up sooo late and then up sooo early!  To be a kid again...  Saturday he went to the grandparents while my husband and I had a "date night" to celebrate our 14 year anniversary.  We saw Robin Hood which was a pretty good movie and then ate dinner at The Olive Garden, my favorite place! I had minestrone (2 bowls) and salad with dressing on the side and no croutons.  I also had two breadsticks and two mozzerella sticks.  My husband had a huge plate of food and I was almost drooling over the fettucine alfredo which is my absolute FAVORITE.  But the soup was delicious so I cannot complain.

Yesterday morning our son called and wanted to stay another night at the grandparents which gave my husband and me a complete day to do nothing.  I did go out for a 3.1 mile walk with the dog, but other than that I just read a book all day, cover to cover.  And it was actually a pretty good book.  It was Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles.

Normally the picture on the cover of this book would have turned me off (see above), but since I bought it on Kindle it was okay--although priced higher than the paperback edition!  It was actually a young adult novel, but definitely for at least 10th grade or so.  There was drama and violence, drinking and sex, but most of all romance which I love.  The epilogue was competely corny, but the I give the book 3.75 stars anyway.  It was a great Sunday read.  Now I just found out that it's the first of a series so I must check out the others.

Today I am working on my attitude, in all aspects of my life.  Tell yourself it's so and it will be so, right?

Friday, May 21, 2010

I Did It!

Today I completed my first 5k OUTSIDE!  I decided that I was just going to do it, no matter how hard it was and now matter how long it took.  I ended up completing 3.33 miles in 43:34.  This is not a fast pace, but it is not the slowest on record either.  It is a pace of 13:04/mile.  I have exceeded my 12 minute/mile pace on the treadmill so now it is time to get to that pace outside.  My speed outside is not as constant as on the treadmill, but it will happen.  I just have to keep at it, and I will!

The bad news is that I went back to wearing my Nikes, the devil shoes. I wanted to try them again, give them another chance.  I ran in them Saturday, Monday and Wednesday.  During each run I could feel the pain in my leg and I tried to change my gait several different ways, but by Wednesday night the pain was a constant, even after my run.  And it's still here.  So today it was back to my Adidas, and while they didn't make the pain worse, I still hate them.   They are just plain ugly.  Luckily I have the pouch for my Nike+ sensor and can still log my runs, but the pouch adds to the dorkiness of the shoes. 

So to continue the shoe saga, I ordered new Nikes last night.  I went to Lady Foot Locker and tried on pillow shoes.  That's what they feel like.  As an "underpronator" or supinator as I am called, I need a neutral cushioning shoe.  The devil shoes are neutral cushioning, but apparently not cushioning enough.  I hope these new ones do the trick.  I hope there is no pain in my leg when I use them and that they help me fly, or at least not limp along.  I didn't buy them from the store because they only had them in white/light blue.  I ordered the gray/purple ones from  I am crossing my fingers and toes that these shoes will be awesome!  They sure look awesome!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


The only good thing about today is that it's a running day.  Ugh!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Weigh-in Check-in

So minus .6 pounds over the past two weeks, are you kidding me?!  What is the problem?  Let's reflect:

Staying within my points range?  Check.
Exercising at least 3x a week or more?  Check.
Drinking at least 8 cups a water a day? Check.
Eating lots of fruits and veggies?  Check.
Eating protein? Check.
Not eating a lot of useless carbs, only healthy carbs?  Check.

Getting frustrated?  Check.

WTH?  It's supposed to go faster than this.  And even though the dumb scale showed a 2 lb gain last week, the 2.6 lb loss this week generated the message of "you're losing too fast" when I logged my weight on Weight Watchers.  Get real.  Sometimes the WW online system is not very smart.

I suppose it's time to switch things up somehow, I just don't know how.  Perhaps I should not use any of my extra weekly points or activity points.  Or maybe I should use all of them and the activity points.  Maybe I'm just not eating enough.  Yeah, that has to be it.  Gimme a break!  Why isn't it easy?  I'm starting to want one of those Body Bugg things which will track calories in and calories out.  But I feel like I am already doing that by logging my exercise and logging my food.

Perhaps I should just quit whining and accept it?  A slow weight loss is better than no weight loss, right?  If only it were that easy. 

My goal is to reach my goal weight by 12/31/10.  Why?  Because I want 2010 to be about losing weight and changing my life.  2011 and beyond will then be about maintaining and living my life.  It will not be the end of the world if I don't make my goal, obviously, but I will be disappointed.  I can't remember if I posted about changing my goal weight to 142 from 147, but right now I have 51 lbs left to lose in 7.5 months (I'm 3.6 away from the halfway mark).  It's completely doable, completely.  BUT I would like to not only achieve my goal but EXCEED it by getting to goal earlier than 12/31.  Is that too much to ask? 

Oh, I'm just whining, I know.  But really, isn't that what I'm here for?

Monday, May 17, 2010

My Love/Hate Relationship with Greek Yogurt

One night I went to the grocery store.  Unfortunately I was hungry at the time so my small list of essentials turned into a basketful of groceries.  Amongst my impulse buys was a container of Dannon Blueberry Greek Yogurt which I ate as soon as I got home!  It was so good.  And since the fat was so low and the protein was so high, I couldn't wait to pick up more and more and more, which I did the very next night.  I also bought some Yoplait Greek.  I had so much Greek yogurt in my cart I fielded questions from other customers as to what was different about it than regular yogurt.  Truthfully I really didn't know what to say except that it has loads of protein.  I just tried it because so many of the healthy bloggers eat it all the time.  If they eat it, it must be good, right?

So I took it for lunch over the next few days, each day enjoying it less and less. And about the fourth day into it, my love affair with the stuff promptly ended. 

Until a couple weeks ago when I tried Chobani Greek.  Don't ask me why I gave Greek another chance.  Probably because those bloggers continue to eat it and post pictures of it and I wonder why I, too, can't be a Greek.

Chobani Greek is definitely the best one so far.  It is thick and creamy, but not chalky like the others.  I think Dannon and Yoplait versions are just imitation Greeks.  The Chobani is so much more natural than Yoplait and Dannon in terms of ingredients, I even know what all the ingredients are.  It makes me feel better about eating it.  All flavors seem to have that plain yogurt bitterness which I don't love, but do I love that it has at least 14g of protein per serving, the vanilla has 16g!  I have tried the 0% fat version in vanilla, peach, blueberry and strawberry.  I think I like blueberry best, although I'm experimenting with the vanilla by adding fruit and cinnamon and other stuff.  I've been hanging out on the Chobani Facebook page and have picked up several serving suggestions that I am eager to try.  One of which is NOT to put in oatmeal.  That seems wrong on many levels.

My favorite tasting yogurt continues to be the Yoplait Light Thick and Creamy Vanilla, but whenever I read the ingredients I always think it sounds so artificial.  I'm glad to found a Greek yogurt that I can eat and enjoy.  And who knows, I might even grow to love it over time.  It is 3x the price of my Yoplait, though, and it will be hard to love that-even over time. 

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I Need to Breakup with my Snooze Alarm

I have a vision of myself getting up early each day and going for a run.  Then a couple times a week, I'll do some weight training in the evening, or even after a shorter run in the morning.

In reality, I set my alarm for early and then hit snooze until the alarm clock just gives up on me, and the next thing I know it's past the time I wanted to arrive at work.  Thus starts a day of negative self talk where I pretty much berate myself all day for being a sloth.

I have never been a morning person.  I like my sleep, but I also like to stay up late.  I can easily stay up until the wee hours of the morning and then sleep past noon.  It's as if my body is stuck back in adolescence in this way.  I HATE going to bed early.  Once I put my son to bed, I need a couple hours of down time for myself. 

I know people whose internal body clocks get them up at the crack of dawn no matter what time they go to bed.  (My son is one of these people.)  My internal body clock prefers at least 10 hours of sleep and then would like to add a couple more for good measure--no matter what time I go to bed.

When I was about 19-20, I used to get up early and go to the gym.  My alarm went off at 4:50 a.m., I usually hit snooze once (it's a mental thing) and then I got up and out the door for the short drive to the gym.  I gave up the gym eventually and just got up to go running outside.  I was pretty good about going to bed at a decent hour, too.  And even with working out each morning, I still made it to work by 7:30.

What's happened to me in my 30s?  Well, first I don't have a job that requires an actual start time.  I have a lot of flexibility where work is concerned and I milk it to the fullest.  So even though I'd like to get to work by 8:00, I am frequently getting up at 8:00.  And the problem with that is that I don't like to stay at work late so then I end up taking work home and working after my son goes to bed.  Add in an evening workout, and well, I just don't feel like I get the down time I need.

Last night, I was supposed to workout with Jillian. Unfortunately, I felt tired all day yesterday, then went to my son's baseball game which lasted until after 8:00. By the time we got home and ate dinner and put him to bed, it was well after 9:00, and by then I wasn't in the mood for Jillian.  I also wasn't in the mood to do any work.  Sloth!

Part of what I'm trying to do with my life right now isn't just about losing weight, it's also about getting healthy on all fronts.  My physical health, my relationship health, my professional health, and my mental health.  So I need to make some changes. I need to start getting up at the same time each day, maybe even on weekends. I need to workout in the morning so I only need one shower per day and don't have anything I HAVE to do in the evening, and I need to get to work "on time" so that I can do my work at work and not at home. 

No more snooze alarm.  I'm breaking up with you, Snooze. 

This feels like one of those things I need to start on a Monday.  Is that bad?  Did I also mention that I am a procrastinator to the nth degree?


Monday, May 10, 2010

Repeating Myself

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I believe in the power of the run.  Today was not a good day.  Clearly my mood was low.

I came home and had a stressful evening with my child.  Backtalking, whining, disrespect, you name it.

I put him to bed and then headed to the treadmill.

And I had a great run!

And now I feel better.

I believe in the power of the run.

Happy Day After Mother's Day!

What a great weekend!!

It was soccer Saturday with both my son and husband having soccer games.  My son didn't score, but the hubs did!  He's still glowing.  We had lunch with friends on Saturday and dinner with different friends.  I love spending time with friends!!

Yesterday we went on our hike and it was so beautiful.  The weather was perfect for spring and the place we went to is dense with foliage and greenery.  No one else was there so it was very quiet and peaceful.  The hike itself wasn't too terribly long, but was nice up/downhill terrain.  It really made me want to get out there more.

We talked about going out to dinner last night, but I opted for a long nap/rest for myself.  I napped for 4 hours!  Well, some of it was sleeping, some of it was staring at the ceiling, and some of it was just plain laying down with my eyes closed.  It was wonderful!  I am a loner, I admit it.  I so enjoy being with my friends and family, but sometimes I just like being with ME.

I had a fairly good eating weekend.  Saturday I ate a small bag of potato chips, a grilled cheese sandwich at the restaurant, and some curly fries!!  I tracked all of it.  Saturday night we had pizza, and although I had three slices, they were small.  I tracked that too.  I love how WW lets me have the things I enjoy without "cheating".  Of course that's not all I ate over the weekend, but those were the indulgences.

So with all that said, my determination is waning.  This morning I woke up feeling so fat and bloated.  I ate a can of Progresso soup last night that is filled with sodium so I know that's part of it, but I was up over 3 pounds today!  Tomorrow is my official weigh-in so I hope it magically goes away today.  Like I said above, I love how WW lets me eat what I want, but I'm also kind of sick of tracking everything.  Burned out is probably a better way to put it. 

As for the exercise, I like the NMTZ workout, but it is hard.  I was up doing the workout at 11:00 p.m. last Thursday because I had to work late.  While I felt stronger than the first time I did it, I still hated the pain.  And I hate working out at night.  I also attempted another run outside on Friday morning which turned into another feeling of failure.  Why is that?  I picture myself out there, I visualize and all that, but for some reason it still hurts so much that I hate it.  I feel like I've come so far on my treadmill and it's all erased when I'm outside.  This does not bode well for an outside 8K run in July.  I'm planning to continue the Gateway to 8K program, but I admit that I'm not feeling it like I was with Couch to 5K plan.  Right now I have no excitement or feelings of anticipation for my run tonight.  I just keep thinking how it's not fun to workout at night.

So it's not all sunshine and roses in my neck of the woods.  But I am trying to hang in there.  I'm almost halfway to my goal and I do not want to give up.  But right now I am questioning my resolve.  I need to figure out something to get me feeling upbeat about all this again soon.

I did start reading a new book: Winning by Losing by Jillian Michaels.  I figure, I enjoy her on The Biggest Loser, I am using her workout DVD, so I might as well read one of her books too.  I'm not far enough into it yet to offer an opinion.  Maybe it will help with my resolve.

Friday, May 7, 2010


Running outside really hurts. 

I went out there again this morning and again my resolve was floundering.  I can't get the rythm or something.  And my legs are just sore out there.  I'm not sure what to do.

I had a small spa day today.  My stepmom gave me a gift certificate for some spa treatments: massage, pedicure, detox foot bath, and foot zonology.

If you don't know what Foot Zonology is, I describe it as someone causing your feet immense pain while they tell you what problems your insides are having.  Like apparently my ovaries are out of hormonal balance.  My lungs are weak.  My lymphatic system is clogged.  My uterus is holding on to something emotional.  My heart is protecting itself from pain by blocking things.  And so on and so forth.  I have read about people who have FZ and come away feeling great!  I came away trying to decide if she was a quack and if I'd be able to walk tomorrow.  I'm still deciding.

It was my first massage and I am hooked!  I thought I would feel so exposed and vulnerable and just plain uncomfortable.  And I did feel a little exposed, but I also felt warm and cozy in the warm bed with the lovely quilt.  I felt pretty comfortable, though.  My only complaint about the experience was that the girl talked too much.  A little hard to get the full experience of relaxation while talking nonstop.  But we did talk about coffee and Starbucks which are two of my favorite subjects.

I have been struggling lately, and it's not just the running outside.  I have so much going on in my head that it's hard to put it together.  Really hard.  But I'm trying.  This is when I will have to decide if this is a tell all blog or not.  I'm still deciding.

Looking forward to Mother's Day weekend.  We're planning a hike.  I have come a long way from last Mother's Day when sleeping in and spending a lazy day was all I wanted to do.  I can't wait to spend some quality time with nature.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Biggest Loser Makeover Duds

I'm not talking about "duds" knows as clothes, I'm talking about "duds" known as disappointing, not at all amazing, boring makeovers.

I always look forward to the makeover episode because it's always amazing!  Last night was not amazing.  What did they do to Daris's hair?  And Sunshine's?  And Koli is now sporting a mohawk?  I also noticed they were missing a famous stylist to help them with their clothing and it really showed in the choices worn by Sunshine and Ashley.  I'm sorry, ladies, but those outfits didn't do you any favors.  It was truly a disappointment this year, and of all people, I guess I'd saying annoying Michael looked the best.  And maybe Sam. 

I love Sam.  I was sorry to see Sam go, but Sam was at his goal weight.  I didn't want to see him losing any more weight and then being too thin which could sabotage his maintenance efforts.  So I hated to see him go, but it was fun to see him and Jennifer together at last.

And an alliance with Michael, Ashley and Daris?  All of a sudden we're playing a game.  I want to see Sunshine in the final three so she needs to stay above the yellow line indeed!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Today is my official weight tracking day and I lost 4.2 pounds this week!  I have had two really great weeks in a row.  My total weight loss is now 43.2 pounds!

I have also changed my goal weight from 147 to 142.  Ultimately I want to stay in the 130s so I think it's better to set it closer to that range.

I pretty much stuck to my exercise plan last week with the exception of Saturday when I didn't get in the NMTZ workout.  Weekends are hard for me to exercise.  I should just get up in the morning and do it first thing, but for some reason the best intentions don't make it happen.  So I guess if I workout on the weekends, I workout.  If I don't, I don't.  5 days a week is a nice amount, I think.  A weekend workout will just have to be a bonus.  Besides, weekends will hopefully about family activities, the key word there being "active".

Last night I had the best run!  I decided to start the Gateway to 8K (GW28K) plan on Friday so yesterday was day 2 of that.  The first week is actually a step back from the last week of Couch to 5K (C25K).  On the last week of C25K, you run for 30 minutes, but you switch back to Intervals for GW28K, the first week is 4 intervals for 7 minutes each with a 1 minute walk in between.  Friday, I was glad it was a shorter workout, but I did increase my speed for the 2nd and 3rd intervals because after my first 5K it was clear that I need to increase my running speed.  Last night, I increased my speed on the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th intervals, and my regular speed actually felt too slow.  I felt great!  I even ran longer on the last interval because I felt so good!  I ended up completed a 5K and shaving about 3 minutes off my previous time.  It is still amazing to me that I have come so far!

I didn't get my run in until almost 9:00 last night!  The only good thing about that is when I exercise late I feel like I can devote the necessary time and energy to my workout.  There's no dinner to be made, or work to get to, or child to entertain, it's just me making my body stronger.  I plan to do the NMTZ later tonight too.  As I've said before, while I prefer a morning workout to get it done and over with (not to mention only requiring one shower per day), I might just be a night exerciser for now.

I'm so glad I have this blog.  I'm not sure how many people read on a daily basis, but I sure like having a place to share my thoughts.  It's definitely turned into "All About Me Losing Weight" as that seems to be my main focus lately, obviously.  I have some other things to share though, I just have to get my thoughts together about them.  In the meantime, I'm just happy to share my weight loss success!  I am almost halfway to my goal!  I will share a progress picture soon.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Bloomsday 2010--Didn't Run but Still a Winner

Today was Bloomsday in our little town.  Bloomsday has always been like a national holiday in our family so when I see people out and about on Bloomsday acting as though it's the same as any other day, I'm always surprised.  Don't they know it's a holiday?? 

I have not participated in the actual race very many times, but I always participate in the eating frenzy that occurs at my parents house after the race.  Fried chicken, salads, veggies, rolls, desserts; never a shortage of food when the family gets together with friends.  This year was no different as far as the food and fun were concerned.  But I was different. 

I am trying to relax when it comes to tracking my foods.  That's not to say I am not tracking, but I know there will be times through my life that I will not be able to know EXACTLY how many points are in certain foods, or there won't be a measuring cup or measuring spoon handy.  During these times I will have to guesstimate and use what I know about healthy eating in order to stay on track.  So today I planned ahead and took healthy foods (veggies, olives and caprese salad) with me, and didn't stress over every little bite.  I ate a couple deviled eggs, I had a small piece of the white meat of my husband's fried chicken.  I avoided the potato salad and the rolls, and I didn't eat any of the salads that clearly had mayonnaise dressings, and I ate a lot of veggies.  When I got home I logged in the foods as best I could, but I didn't stress.  I did not eat too much; I did not binge.  I even had enough points left over to enjoy my favorite nighttime snack--frozen berries and yogurt with a sprinkle of Fiber One.

I call today a success!!  I faced a challenge and I came out a winner.  I wish I would have participated in the actual race too.  I actually liked the shirt design AND color.

Next year I will run Bloomsday!

(Photo used without permission from this person.)