A few months ago, I never ever would have thought I would be upset about not being able to exercise. A few months ago I would have been relieved to finally have an excuse to sit on my butt and do nothing, other than just the ol' "I'm a lazy a$$" reason.
Fast forward a couple of months, subtract 33 lbs, add 7 weeks of running, and you'll now find me flat out depressed about my injury and being unable to run. And when I say depressed, I don't mean in the clinical sense. I'm just feeling really down about it. Not only will I miss out on the calorie burn, I will miss out on the feeling of great accomplishment which always follows a run.
But I have a plan.
My husband thinks I need to see a doctor, but since I absolutely hate doctors, I'm going to put that off. I am going to stay off my leg as much as possible this week which means I'll have to find some low impact exercise, probably the Jillian Michaels DVD I didn't use last week. If my leg doesn't feel a bunch better by next week, then I might consent to see a doctor. If it feels better, but still painful, I will continue to rest another week. If it is pain free (oh please let it be pain free), then I will get back to running.
On running days I think about running a lot during the day and look forward to getting it done. I imagine myself kicking butt on the treadmill, logging my time with Nike+. I feel a void today knowing that I'm not going home to run. I'm trying to get excited about a different kind of workout, but I HATE working out. I only love to run. Someone suggested I ride my bike instead. Hmmm, me riding a bike is comical and my bike is more of a cruiser than something for fitness. I think I'll stick with Jillian for now. But I wish I had a gym membership because I could really use an elliptical machine right about now. Oh well, life is full of uncertainties and we need to adapt. I'm sure this will not be my last challenge so I will face it head on and learn from it. I cannot give up.
A quote from Randy Pausch comes to mind: "The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!"
One positive thing to note, however, is that the back of my leg (calf) really feels a lot better today. That leads me to think that the injury really is to my shin and my calf muscle was only sore from trying to overcompensate for my shin while running. But that also makes me think it is really a stress fracture. If I was a smaller healthy person, this would seem like no thang, just an athlete's injury! But since I'm still big and fat, it feels like I'm a big fat failure. I MUST be too fat to run, right? Grrr, this is not a good day. I am still crossing my fingers for a miraculous healing by the time I get home tonight, but I better not start counting any chickens.