Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Weight Watchers iPhone App - 4 Stars

Weight Watchers has an iPhone app. It's actually pretty intuitive and gives you access to favorites lists including meals and recipes. You can also view selected recipes, view your weight history and read success stories. It is very easy to use and other than the fact that is has to communicate with the server for each item tracked, it is very very convenient. I highly recommend this app!

At this time you can't use the app to track your weight, only review the history. I assume this will be available in a future release.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Time's A-Wasting

I wonder if anyone thinks about my weight as much as I assume they think about my weight. I’m pretty sure if they did, they would get little else done in their lives. But I cannot help obsessing anyway.

Work is a big part of my life. I spend 40+ hours a week at my job (as do most people, dur) and anytime I talk to someone I can’t help wondering how much they are thinking about my size. Do they remember that I lost weight a couple months ago? Do they see that picture on my shelf and realize how big I am now compared to my wedding day? Do they remember that I was a thin person when I started working there 10 years ago? Are they wondering why I wear practically the same thing day after day? Do they hear that it’s difficult to breathe? If I put my arm this way, does it hide my stomach at all? And on and on it goes.

I should know that they don’t really think of it all that often. They might have fleeting thoughts here and there, they might even feel sorry for me, but that’s probably it.

That’s probably it.

So why is it that I can’t stop focusing on what they might be thinking. And it’s just not coworkers, of course. It’s everyone I come into contact with. Other parents, neighbors, my family. Especially anyone I had a weight loss conversation with, for sure. And to be honest, sometimes it keeps me in the house, keeps me from joining in when I should. I can’t help thinking that the world is too cruel when my house is safe and only mildly judgmental. The trouble is that staying home makes me even lazier and going out makes me feel even more uncomfortable. No good really comes from either of it.

My happiness is directly linked to how much I weigh, whether I am at home or at work, at the store or in the car. It doesn’t matter. I’m just not happy. And since I think about it all the time, the thoughts breed and further pollute my life.

I have to make changes now because time's a-wasting!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Mindset Change

I was just watching a video of another blogger whom I admire. Roni. She lost about 70 lbs on WW and has maintained for almost four years. She linked to another article that said something great. "You will not lose weight until you value yourself more." Well, I guess I believe that in a way. For me it's more about sticking with a program and seeing it through until the end. And the end is not goal, the end is not some number on the scale. The end is the end of my life. I have to see it through forever, to not only lose weight and get healthy, but to STAY healthy. I am so good at losing weight when I put my mind to it. But sticking with it and seeing it through... that's where I fall down on things.

Roni said she finally let go of weight loss as some kind of aesthetic change, or just as a means to look better. She had her son and was finally seeing weight loss as a way to be there for him, to be a role model for him, to do what she could to stick around for as long as she could for him.

I am trying to adopt that mindset too.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Weight Loss

My problem with weight started when I was about 8. And I wasn’t even overweight. But my family was and my mom let them know it by putting herself, my brother, and my father on a diet. While I dined on macaroni and cheese they ate frozen melon balls. While I ate cookies and my brother ate veggies, I bragged about the fact that I didn’t have be on a diet like HIM. He was fat, I was not, and I decided I’d gloat about it.

I do not remember a lot of the particulars about their diet and my lack of one; I do remember knowing that they were all indeed fat. And I remember that I wasn’t. I think that was the last time I ever felt comfortable in my body.

I am now 35 years old and the age of 8 seems like a very long time ago, 27 years for those of you who can’t do simple math. Twenty-seven years of fighting the battle of the bulge, sometimes winning, mostly losing.

In sixth grade I wore a size 7 shoe and a size 13 jean and I knew by then that I was bigger than the other girls my age. It was about that time that I started binging and hiding it. Back then, when I didn’t know how to cook much (and wasn’t really allowed to anyway) I ate things like Top Ramen, cream of mushroom soup, or rice cakes topped with various, often interesting (i.e. disgusting) concoctions including, but not limited to, molasses, Karo syrup, peanut butter, coconut, butter and honey. Yes, sometimes many of those things at once. I can still remember trying to hold the rice cake very still and level so that none of the molasses or other sludge would run down the side. I absolutely hated getting anything sticky on my hands!

I went on my first “diet” during the summer between 7th and 8th grade, I was 12. My plan was to not eat and exercise. Seemed simple enough. Lasted about 14 hours, though. Luckily I didn’t lapse into depression over it or anything, I just went about my pudgy life. Depression about weight would come much later in my life.

For the next three years or so, I thought about my weight a lot, but I never really did anything about it or made any effort to watch what I was eating. I know that I still hid food and binged sometimes. Luckily my efforts were hindered by opportunity or else it could have been much worse I'm sure.

The first weight I remember actually seeing on the scale was 135 and that was in 8th grade. And so began my lifelong relationship with the scale.

-I weighed 166 the first time I went to Weight Watchers when I was a junior in high school and proceeded to lose 35 pounds.
-I weighed between 122 and 127 in 1993.
-I weighed 130 when I met my husband in 1995.
-I weighed 135 when we got married in 1996.
-I weighed 165 when I went back to Weight Watchers in 1999 and lost 35 lbs again and became a lifetime member.
-I weighed 158 in 2001 when I got pregnant.
-I weighed 212 the week before I gave birth in 2002.
-I weighed 196.6 in 2004 when I joined LA Weight Loss and proceeded to lose 50 pounds.
-I weighed 236.8 in September 2008 when I rejoined weight watchers and proceeded to lose 60 lbs.

And there are many other weights in between. The highest weight I have ever seen on the scale is 236.8. The lowest weight I have ever seen is 122.5. Is it really weird that I know this?

It was just over 17 months ago that I went to Weight Watchers and started what I thought would be my last weight loss program. And I didn’t even think of it as a diet, just like “they” say. I felt excited and ready to start the program, and as the weight started coming off, I felt more and more confident that I was finally winning the battle I had fought for so long.

But as it turns out I never really lose weight. I always seem to find it again.

I weighed 232.2 today when I started this program again.